TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
