i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
