Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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