"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
