did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
