I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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