There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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