What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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