I love black thongs
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize