And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
