Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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