i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
