I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
