Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize