That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
