rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
