and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they're like a gay fantastic four
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
