Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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