...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
