You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
