this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
