apparently the secret to your success is patron
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
