Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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