I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize