Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
false alarm. still invincible.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
