i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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