found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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