i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
