Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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