you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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