I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
