I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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