You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
