I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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