we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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