i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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