We're like a lot better than the average bears
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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