Where is the hickey?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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