I met the friendliest cop last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
