dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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