We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize