I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
