I could have mohawked her pubes.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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