To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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