everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
