When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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