she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
