tell your sister to shave her snatch
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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