Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
