No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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