he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
