When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
