Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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