The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
