My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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