its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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