My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
