I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
