I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize