i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
