the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
