4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
