I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need water and some morals
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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