If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
