Betty ford says i'm here all night
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
