I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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