I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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