theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
