sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
