Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
