my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
