i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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