Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
