I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
