I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
