Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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