I intend to get homeless drunk
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
