I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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