The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
