I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
