Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
