His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
