this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
