I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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