somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
