We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
well you can't waste a boner
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
