Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
