glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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