So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
