we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
