the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
