So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
