I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
