Someone shit on the floor
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
