Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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