dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
